Making
Marriage Work
Last week, we discussed how
there are different types of salvation in the Bible. Specifically, we saw how
God offers a temporal deliverance to those that follow Him in faith. Today,
let’s look at how God offers deliverance which we will only achieve if we
follow His instruction by faith.
Husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or
wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish
Making Marriage Work:
Oneness
God concludes His description
of marriage by saying, "The man and his wife were both naked and were
not ashamed" (Genesis 2:25). When you think of nakedness, naturally
physical nakedness comes to mind. But the idea is broader than that. Adam and
Eve were unclothed, but, more important, they were transparent, open to one
another in friendship. Is your wife or your husband your best friend? Is your
mate the person with whom you share your total being? If not, why don't you
begin to share yourselves more fully with one another, remembering that you are
one in marriage and one in God's sight?
Some of you may be asking
what to do about marriages that have lost their luster. Can they be revived? The
answer is a resounding "yes!" In fact, the formula for success is
quite simple, although the application may be difficult. It is the same formula
God gave to the church at Ephesus, which had lost its zeal for the Savior
(Revelation 2:5). The relationship between Christ and the members of that church
had become so dead that Christ was ready to leave them to their loveless
rituals, but God offered them a formula for revival of their first love:
remember, repent, and return.
First, they were to remember
their previous situation. To put it another way, they needed to turn back
the hands of time to reflect on the early days when love ruled their lives. Can
you remember that time in your marriage? Husbands, do you remember how you used
to open the car door for your sweetheart? Now she may be lucky to get into the
car before you drive off! And wives, do you remember how much you enjoyed
cooking your husband’s favorite meals? Now you may not care whether he eats or
not. The problem is that we forget those initial days of joy, happiness, and
wonder the same symptoms that often affect our relationship with Christ. The
point is that if you will remember how your relationship was, you’ll know that
it can be that way again. Take time together to remember and smile at the
memories.
Second, the formula calls for
repentance. To confess that you are wrong is tough, especially when words
are not enough. To repent means not only to change your thinking, but to change
the actions that result from your thoughts. To repent is to turn and go in the
opposite direction, the right direction. In this case, the right direction is
probably the early stage of your marriage. It is the direction of the past where
your relationship with one another took precedence over your careers, other
friends, and even your own interests. To repent you must stop, turn 180 degrees,
and return to the relationship you should never have left.
Finally, the church at
Ephesus was told to return to the works it did at first. For couples that
means returning to that former relationship to redo it. You can’t return to
the past, because those days are gone forever and can never be reclaimed. But
you can bring the works of the past into the present and the future simply by
redoing them in a consistent, loving fashion. You can go on dates together. You
can send those special love notes, flowers, and cards. You can make those
surprise calls and do those little, but all-important acts of caring and
sensitivity such as opening the car door and helping her up the steps, or
complementing him and letting him lead the way. Granted, it may be a little
tougher now, since you'll have to go against the winds of tension that have
plagued your relationship, but it's a question of how much you want the feelings
of love back. The prize is worth the effort.
I know some of will say that
it’s your mate’s fault and that he or she should do the remembering,
repenting, and returning. That’s probably not altogether true since it usually
takes two to fight. But even if it is true, remember that Jesus bore the penalty
even though He was innocent. He bore our sins to bring us to God (1 Peter 3:18).
Following His example may take a willingness to go to the limit to win our mates
back.
I realize that following the
formula above is not easy. That’s where your dependence on the Holy Spirit
comes in. Without His enabling, you are merely trying by human effort to produce
a supernatural response. God has give each of His children the power to
accomplish whatever God commands not through human effort, but through the Holy
Spirit’s work. Husbands, love your wives whether you feel like it or not,
because God commands it and the Holy Spirit can accomplish it if you will yield
to His power by faith. Wives, submit to your husbands by the Holy Spirit’s
power. Let him know you respect his position as head of the family. Let the Holy
Spirit work to bring back that first love and to develop the relationship you
want.
A Union of Three
The Trinity is made up of
three co-equal persons who are one: God the Father, God the Son, and God the
Holy Spirit. Marriage is an earthly replica of this divine trinity three persons
who are one: a man, a woman, and the Lord. You cannot leave God at the altar
and expect to have a happy marriage. Christ’s resurrection power operating
in your life is the only power that can save your life, your marriage, and your
home. When Christ arose from the dead, He gave mankind access to the power of
His resurrection. That power can enable you and your mate to live together, love
one another, trust each other, and share life with one another until death parts
you. God alone has given mankind the ability to do that.
You may say, "Wait a
minute. What about the divorce rate? What about all the broken homes?" The
divorce figures in the United States are astronomical and the number of broken
homes heartbreaking. The fact is that people don’t know God. The problems in
these homes are ultimately a reflection of men and women’s estrangement from
God. But there is good news. God sent His Son Jesus Christ to earth to die on
the cross as a substitute for the sin of His children. Whenever His children
respond to Him in faith, He empowers them to live new resurrection lives as they
live in obedience to Him.
It’s this power of God
operating in your life that makes marriage work. If you haven’t made that
personal decision to turn the totality of your life over to Jesus Christ, you
don’t have that resurrection power. You may be eternally saved, but you are
not experiencing the abundant life that Christ offers to His children
that follow Him in faith.
God made marriage, and He can
make it work. I challenge you to commit yourselves to the Lord. Let Him remake
your marriage into a marriage, God’s style.